hello!
It’s been a while. Longer even than I’d realized. I’ve missed you.
It was an unexpected absence I took from this space. Just when I thought shingles was beat, it knocked me flat again. This time I didn’t continue (almost) as normal, this time I was down for the count.
Full days of sleeping, in bed or on the couch, lots of prayers, lots of vitamins. Not much of anything else.
And I’m sure this will sound melodramatic but it’s been the hardest month I’ve known. Not because of the pain of shingles (although that hasn’t been a walk in the park). It’s been hard because I’ve been brought, kicking and screaming, to surrender, to giving up, to letting go.
There was much I was not able to do. There was much, much, much that I had to rely on my super-hero hubby and super-sidekick kids to do. There was much that had to be left undone.
It’s been a struggle for everyone.
Though I’ve been reminded time and time again of grace.
I’ve received support, encouragement, and prayers. I’ve dropped to my knees. I’ve cried countless tears. I’ve sunk low, I’ve been raised back up. I’ve ached David’s Psalms. I’ve filled pages and pages with my pain, I’ve filled more with my thanks.
And I’ve known this is a work, not just an illness. It’s been transformation, education, growth. Those dark soul corners where pain slinks away to hide are being brought to the light. I’m learning to find strength, seek beauty, offer forgiveness.
I’m on a journey to healing, body and soul.
::
I’m doing much better now. Not 100% but feeling good and returned to mommy duties. And so so thankful. Thanks for the prayers, healing thoughts, and kind notes.Â
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you stay feeling better and are back to 100% soon.
I was just thinking about you and figured you were busy with the kids and house. I’m so sorry that you haven’t been well! My dad had shingles and it is vicious. I hope you continue to improve. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I knew something might have been up! You have to take care of yourself 100% so you can be the bestest mom ever. So do that-we will be here when you are feeling better-keep taking those vitamins 🙂
{{HUGS}} Rachel…I have never had theShingles…but my sister has and I know first hand how painful and deliberating it was for her. She had to take things quietly for some time. I will be praying for you…take care!
Hugs, Rachel. I have thought of you during this time, but didn’t realize just how bad it was. Please take care of yourself.
Oh my dearest Rachel I have missed you! My heart aches that you have been so low, and I wish I lived closer so I could help. Please know that you are always, always in my prayers and if I can do anything from SC just let me know.
Rachel, I’m so sorry to hear of the hard time that has been yours. I hope your body and soul heal and you feel whole again soon. Thinking of you and your sweet family.
Oh Rachel. So bummed that you’ve been down and out; our body does know how to slam dunk us when it’s worn out, doesn’t it????? You really have had a ton going on in your life….the not-so-gentle reminder to slow down. Have missed you.
Sounds like you’ve taken this all to heart—and actually will come through on the “other side” of it much stronger. Hugs.
Oh mama I’ve been thinking of you so much! I actually woke up this morning thinking “I must email that lovely mama and let her know I think of her often”…Glad that you are on the mend. I so wish I could be close by to help out with those lovely kiddos of yours, or perhaps bring over a meal:)
I’m so glad that you “checked in” to your blog.
I’ve been thinking about you and your family and was wondering how the move went.
I’m so sorry that you had to deal with shingles once again and I hope you get back to your old self soon. Let the littles and your hubby help you. I’m sure they love doing things for you. 🙂
Thank care.
so glad you are on the mend!
I’ve checked and missed seeing your posts! I hope you are on the mend for the final time now! Praying!
I am so glad you are feeling better and on such a good path of healing!
I have been in a similar situation of having to let go, lots, like you did. For us though it is coming with the extra blessing of a baby, and emotionally I am doing very well, but physically it has been the most difficult months of my life. (We can be melodramatic yet totally truthful at the same time, yes?)
Wishing you much wellness in these coming days and times.
Renee
I’ve been feeling guilty for a few days that I owe you an e-mail. But I have been thinking of you. I’m glad you’re doing somewhat better. You never cease to amaze me in your ability to take any experience and turn it into an opportunity for growth. xo
We’re so glad you’re back too! Love you and miss you. Take care of yourself. Hope you’ve found your right path.
Oh, Rachel. A big hug for you – wish I could bring you a meal. I’m glad that you’re on the mend (I’m sure your family is glad too) and thankful that this episode didn’t happen during the homeschool ‘school year’.
How is the new house? Waiting patiently for your recovery, I’m sure. 🙂
Much love and hugs to you Rachel. I am so sorry you are having to deal with such pain and difficulty. Reading your words have taken me back to a similar time where despair was so pervasisive it was hard to see the end. But you are so strong and this events do evolve the soul, as you know. Many warm healing prayers sent your way friend!!!
xo
I’m so glad that you’re starting to feel like your old self- I wish I were closer, I could have helped you out! I’ve missed you!
Oh Rach, I’m sorry to hear it’s been so hard. I can relate in a small way to how you’ve been feeling. Influenza struck me down about ten days ago and like you, I’ve found the hardest part to be having to surrender to it and accepting that I was completely weak and unable to do much else.
“And I’ve known this is a work, not just an illness.” I couldn’t have put that better myself.
Thinking of you,
Ronnie xo
So sorry to hear you have been feeling so poorly. Sorry I am late as I don’t get time to catch up with my blog friends much these days. I hope you are finding some relief.I was really ill last summer too and spent July in bed, it is such a hard time of year to sit in bed, even when you don’t feel well at all.
I have heard that shingles is so painful. Dear Rachel I am so sorry you are having to deal with it again. Hope it is getting better and you can get out in the sunshine.
Much Love!
Wowzers! I had no idea! Relinquishing control is so, so difficult. Surrendering our will is so, so hard. Although I’ve never had shingles, I can relate to the unseen, sometimes even unknown, brooding that happens in a heart, in the dark, unforgotten corners that come to light only when the stress comes full force. It brings to realization that all is grace. Thank God for His love in our ugliness. Thank God for His acceptance in our yielding. Thank God for His strength in periods, (seasons even!) of frailty and impotence. Thank God for His presence amidst it all. Where would we be without Him? Sending my love, and lifting a prayer. Glad you are well on your way to healing, health, and wholeness. Keep seeking Him. Keep letting go. I love you, my sister. xo
I’ve missed you and glad you are writing here again.
What a strong, brave person you are. Sending hugs and lots of love for your healing journey.
Big Love,
Taryn